


To My Love

by sunkwans



Series: Goodbye Note [1]
Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, M/M, Magnus Bane Needs A Hug, Sad Magnus Bane, Talk of Breakup, it's sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-21 17:23:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11362071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunkwans/pseuds/sunkwans
Summary: Magnus writes his lost love a note, knowing he'll never give it to Alec because he doesn't plan on seeing Alec again.





	To My Love

**Author's Note:**

> *SPOILERS*  
> this takes place post break up in COLS so there's spoilers. this is gonna be sad and angsy :( while you're reading this think about malec kissing, it'll help :) enjoy, angels <3  
> -if the words have a slash through them maggie crossed it out & changed it

Dear Alexander,

 

I know you will not read this, because I will not give it to you, but somehow, writing this and pretending that your beautiful blue eyes will read my shaky words helps with the pain. So here goes ~~nothing~~ everything.

I think I should start this with the obvious: I miss you. I miss you so much it hurts. It pushes on my lungs and makes it hard to breathe, like a weight. 

Even the Chairman misses you. 

Every time my phone lights up and I see your name flash across the screen, my heart breaks. It's like walking away from you all over again. It hurts, and I wish you'd stop calling, but at the same time I don't. It gives me some sort of anchor to cling onto, knowing you miss me too. 

If you were anyone else, I'd be trying to get out there and meet new people. Because it is you that I've lost, though, I cannot do that. It feels like an injustice to the relationship we used to have; one where you were all I needed. 

Sometimes, I'll feel better. It comes randomly, but every once in a while it's like the clouds have began disappearing. Then, I see something that reminds me of you, and I realize that it's impossible for the clouds to disappear because you were the light in my life. The tears will start again, or the empty feeling that I've been carrying with me will eat me up again. 

I've stopped going outside on my balcony when it's nighttime. That was our spot. You used to sit beside me, watching the sky and tell me how much you loved stars. I would sit, and listen and I would watch you, and look into your eyes, which reflected the stars. For a little bit, you were holding every star in the sky inside of you, and I was lucky enough to see it. I can't look at the stars because it's like looking at a blank slate without seeing them in your eyes. It's as if the only star that really existed was you. 

The first time we kissed- Do you remember it, darling? Do you remember how beautiful it was?- I swear I saw gold. Then I understood why Shadowhunters married in gold. I saw pure, gold fire explode behind us like a fireworks. And then I opened my eyes, and I saw an angel. I saw you. 

I want you to live. No, I  _need_ you to live. You're my Nephilim. You know that. You can't die. And yet, you will, one day. I'm giving you up now, so that I'll never have to see you die. It's hard to believe that something as pure and good as you has an expiration date, but that's how it is. I won't say I'm ready for that, and I can't sit back while you lose pieces of yourself. I'm giving you the freedom to fall in love again, with someone who will be able to love you. They'll never love you as I did, but you can be happier with some Shadowhunter man who will probably die and honorable death beside you. 

 

I love you, Alexander. 

Love, Magnus Bane. 

**Author's Note:**

> just a p.s. that magnus would've TOTALLY shown this to alec when they got back together. just sayin. and also, i do not apologize for how sad this is ;) 
> 
> hope you liked it! kudos & comments are welcome <3


End file.
